for beginners | m. ward
thursday, last week i mentioned i’ve always been afraid to fail in front of others. & went on to say i like to practice things on my own until i am good enough to appear good enough at whatever it is that i’m exploring. but…
but what really scares the pants off of me is succeeding. being really good at something. because surely there’s value in the devil i know - knowing a little bit about a lot of things but not a lot about one thing. giving one thing my everything. a few examples of things that i fear being really good at: photography, creating a nonprofit to share yoga with underserved women, being in a committed relationship.
what if i: try to make a living as a photographer, accept some of the jobs that are offered to me on a regular basis, submit photos to hey hot shot, donate my vacation time to travel, take pictures & spread worthy messages for charity:water or pih, create a program to share yoga with underserved women in my community, raise funds & awareness to take the yoga program national & then global, trust that i can share my life with someone, believe that i can be a good mother even though i don’t have a healthy relationship with my mother.
i was reminded of my what ifs when i read avoiding momentum by seth godin.
Momentum gives you a reason to overcome your fear and do your art, because there are outside forces and obligations that keep you moving. Without them, you’d probably stumble and fall.
And yet many of us fear too much momentum. We look at a project launch or a job or another new commitment as something that might get out of control. It’s one thing to be a folk singer playing to a hundred people a night in a coffeehouse, but what if the momentum builds and you become a star? A rock star? With an entourage and appearances and higher than high expectations for your next work. That’s a lot of momentum, no?
Deep down, this potential for an overwhelming response alerts the lizard brain and we hold back. We’re afraid of being part of something that feels like it might be too big for us.
all of that & i have been doing less thinking & more doing over the past three weeks. it has been scary but also pretty darn sweet. success.
